It Feels Like Betrayal

For almost two years I have taken a break from the blogosphere. Why? I felt that I needed some time and space to fully resolve my faith and sexuality, before I could continue to publicly speak out on the subject.  For a long period of time the label of “gay and celibate” or “gay Christian” best fit me. I still identified myself as a gay woman and equally saw myself as a Christ follower.

I think my own personal conflict reflects the clash between members of the faith community and those who adhere to pro-gay theology. On one side are those who believe that the Bible is absolute truth and mandates that we live in subjection to it in every aspect of our lives.  On the other side are people who value their faith in Jesus, but struggle with the final authority of the Bible. This is especially true when it comes to the subject of sexuality and gender identity.

This has been one of my main reasons for a season of silence. In many ways I felt torn between the two worlds. My own attractions and desires lived strong within me and more or less defined me. Yet my faith in Jesus Christ beckoned me to be transformed into His image. My faith had already come at a great personal cost. I lost a community I was heavily vested in, my soul mate, and many friends. It had uprooted me from my beloved Pacific Northwest and landed me in East Texas. I refer to this period of my life as my personal exodus. The thing about living in exile is that you have a lot of solitude and time for reflection.

My exodus had brought me to a place where I was challenged to resolve my faith and sexuality. No one has been more surprised than me as to where I have landed on the subject. In the last two years, I have resolved three key things. First and foremost, I have concluded that the Bible is inspired by a Holy God and is inherently true and trustworthy. That said, then the Bible has the right to evaluate every aspect of my life and direct how I live.

Secondly, I have realized that my sexuality does not define me. I know, right!  For my gay-identified friends reading this, I am certain that feels like the ultimate betrayal. It most certainly did to me. Hear me out: if Truth has the right to evaluate my life and direct how I live, then equally so it should have the power to transform every aspect of my life. Nothing is exempt, including sexuality and identity.

Lastly, as a follower of Christ I believe that the labels “Gay Christian” and “Gay Celibate” are ill-fitting grave clothes. Those terms negate God’s transformational and redemptive nature. Why then would I embrace anything that limits God’s ability to change me into the person He has designed me to be?

My friends, I am not here to judge or condemn you. If you are a gay-identified person, that is between you and God. I do want to challenge you to honestly venture on a journey to resolve your faith and sexuality. As a follower of Jesus I believe that Truth must be balanced with both grace and love. Truth spoken by Jesus, who said, “Deny yourself and follow Me.” Grace gives the space to come to the place of surrender to that path. Love accepts us as we are and calls us to be transformed into His likeness.

Thank you for following my journey.

Your comments are welcomed