Betrayal is such a harsh word. In all my years as a gay identified person, each time I got wind of someone becoming a Christian it felt like they were they were joining forces with the enemy. Was it because they had broken my trust? You see, within the gay community there is a strong sense of belonging. An alliance of like-minded brothers and sisters. Perhaps even more, it had to do with the fact that I felt like no loving God could create me gay and then condemn me to hell. So, to follow a God who condemned me to hell for simply being me was the ultimate betrayal.
That was at the crux of my own struggle after becoming a Christian. It had nothing to do with sleeping with women and everything to do with who I believed myself to be. It challenged all that I had vested myself in and my core identity.
When I told my ex over the phone I had become a Christian, her response was, “Don’t come home.” When I did come home the locks on the doors had been changed. My friends in the LGBT community began to drop like flies. It didn’t help that when I arrived in Texas, the first church I visited made it clear they didn’t “welcome my kind” by the lead pastor. When I asked who “my kind” was, his silence screamed louder than any words could. I answered for him, “You mean a lesbian.” He said yes and walked away. I stayed out of spite and moved up to the front just to make him sweat. Overall, I felt ostracized. I didn’t belong with the gay community anymore and I felt unwelcome and misunderstood by the church community.
My only connection to Christians was through two faith-based recovery programs, Celebrate Recovery and Overcomers. I didn’t see myself as one of “those people” — you know, addicts and alcoholics — but at least they accepted me as I was. However, the longer I sat in their small groups and heard their stories the more I discovered we were more alike than different. We all had issues and wounds that caused us to act out in unhealthy ways. It was during this season I began to realize there might be something more than genetics driving my sexuality. It planted that seed that eventually drove me to reconcile my faith and sexuality over three years of my life.
Friends, I share my journey with you because the subject of sexuality dominates and is defining our western culture. It is so crucial to know where you stand on the subjects of sexuality, gender identity and marriage equality. Even more important is to know what role the Christian faith and what the Bible has to say on the issues.
Thanks for following my journey. Your comments are welcome