Could I trust God to give meaning beyond my sexuality

28 thoughts on “Could I trust God to give meaning beyond my sexuality”

  1. Really enjoyed your post. I am also a gay Christian, but in a very conservative university. I completely understand what it’s like to be so focused on our own needs and desires, that we forget to center ourselves around Jesus. I’ve been so focused on marriage, what my friends/family will think when I tell them, that I keep forgetting that there is more to my story than this. These things are important, for sure, but it doesn’t end here. Look forward to more posts *following* 🙂

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  2. Of course. Well I’m 19 years old and just finally accepting that I’m attracted to the same sex. I was raised in a super conservative family, so I was taught a lot of false things about gay people. My dad is very against all of it… he still doesn’t know. I just started reaching out to a couple people in my Christianity university, thankfully there is a new group started up that provides a safe place to meet and talk. I never even knew there was such thing as a gay Christian a few moths ago, so I should say I’m only a few months into the journey of accepting this part of myself. I am sure of one thing- that it is not a choice. I never chose these attractions. And I can’t just change myself. But I was taught that it was a choice, that’s why it took so long for me to accept this about myself. I don’t doubt God’s power to make me straight, though. Just after reading so many people’s stories I have come to realize that may or not be in His plans for me. I have to trust Him either way. I’m still trying to figure out my exact beliefs, because I realized so many were wrong. As far as Side A/Side B, I would probably imagine myself being side B, especially with my conservative upbringing and belief in all of the Bible. I’m reevaluating scriptures though before I make a decision on that.

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    1. Christianbeforegay,

      I want to let you know I have had a jammed packed couple of days and will get to you in the next day or so. I am praying for you friend! Try not to study to hard.

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    2. Christianbeforegay may I address you as CBG or can you give me a name to call you by?

      My name is Hope, I want to first thank you for freely sharing where you are in this process. I understand these are tough waters to navigate through and safely land where God wants you to. First let me say I lived for 40 plus years identifying as a lesbian. I believed I was born gay and my feelings were very real and felt natural to me. I had my first girl friend at 11 and did not see myself as someone who choose to be gay. It often angered me when Christians would say this was all simply a choice. So I get where you are coming from.
      I have been a Christian for the last six years when I surrendered my life to Jesus I told Him in no uncertain terms my sexuality was off the table; after all He created me this way!

      In the course of the last six years For three or more years the term gay/Christian best described my identity. I have wrestled with the subject of sexuality in-depth for almost three years. I personally understand the confusion, and conflict you must be facing as you come to terms with your faith and sexuality. I would love to engage more in-depth with you in an open and honest discussion on the subject of resolving ones faith and sexuality. In my opinion it is the most important discussion a person can have. i encourage you to use the Bible as the bedrock of your quest my friend to allow it to be your guide through the very muddy waters of this issue.

      I look forward to hearing from you.

      Hope

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      1. Hi Hope. I’m so sorry I am just replying, for some reason I never got an email notification, so I just saw the new comment after coming onto wordpress. You can call me CBG. Hopefully I can get to a point where I no longer have to blog anonymously, but for now I have to stay as anonymous as possible.

        Of course. And yes it is so very confusing. The church only seems to bring up what gay people must not do, but they forget to lead us in what we can do. I am so glad to hear that you found your way to Jesus. That truly is the work of God because I’m sure it was hard to look into a religion that so often condemns a very real part of us. I’m very interested in the discussion of how to resolve my faith and sexuality. We actually had an event on my campus that was very controversial. We had both a side A and side B speaker come and have a conversation. This was huge because my campus had not previously ever allowed a side A speaker. But I believe it’s so important to know all of the viewpoints out there. Because being sheltered doesn’t help you in the end, rather it leads to confusion when exposed to another viewpoint. I think personally, I am still in a place of needing to fully accept the reality of my sexuality before I can pursue theological study in this area. It still hasn’t really sunk in for me quite yet.

        CBG

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      2. CBG it is then.

        My work schedule has increased and along with other responsibilities I have so my responses are not as immediate as I would like. So please bare with me as I make some adjustments the next couple of weeks.

        Early on in our conversation you said that you were determining what role if any the Bible should play in your sexual identity. I would like to start our conversation by establishing what we both perceive and believe truth to be and what significance if any it has on our lives.

        With that may ask you to define truth and its role in your life.

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      3. Interesting that your school hosted this event. I understand the premise of the side A and B arguments. I just wonder how that adds up to the role of a true Christ follower. I fit perfectly into the side B following for quite sometime and was very comfortable there. That is no longer true for me as I believe scripture calls us to different way of living one that distinguishes from the rest of the world

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  3. No problem at all. I completely understand and there’s no rush to reply!

    Maybe my earlier post was a bit confusing. I definitely believe that the Bible should be the #1 source of hope and knowledge when it comes to my sexual identity. What I was attempting to explain was that I was taught a lot of incorrect concepts about gay people, which formed a lot of prejudice within myself. That was extremely confusing to have these prejudices built up against gay people, and then to realize I myself experience SSA. Because of this experience, I want to tear down my beliefs I was taught and build them back up myself. Some of the verses can be extremely complex and so I hesitate to completely accept what I’ve learned, especially because interpretation of the Bible can sometimes be capable of error, since humans are fallible. I just want to make sure I understand what I believe. My school is starting up a Side B Bible study actually this Thursday! I’m really nervous to go, as they may assume I’m gay and I’m not comfortable with them knowing before my friends. I worry about them finding out somehow. I think this is really great though that my school is making progress on providing spaces for us to wrestle with this. Just a couple years ago, it was hardly talked about.

    I know this is a complex question, but may I ask how you view yourself? Do you view SSA as a temptation, or part of the wiring of yourself? With the 2 people I told in gay ministers at my university, we talked a lot about me working toward finding my identity in Christ, and not allowing same-sex attraction to be the defining factor of how I view myself. I think that is an incredible thing to strive for.

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    1. Hey CBG

      Thanks for the response I will break this down in to a couple of posts due to time restraints.

      You asked:”I know this is a complex question, but may I ask how you view yourself?

      Great questions, I no longer view myself as a lesbian (this is who I was for over 40 years.) While the labels side B a gay Christian best fit me for a period of time I struggled to fully embrace them as my identity. I view myself as a woman whose primary identity is in Christ as His child.

      You also asked
      Do you view SSA as a temptation, or part of the wiring of yourself?
      As I stated before I didn’t choose my attractions or desires and felt they were as natural as my brown eyes. It use to irritate me to no end to have people insist I choose these things. I want to respond more fully to this but I need to go prep for my job. So I will revisit this in a couple of days my friend

      I will close by saying that I am in agreement with this from the folks at your campus ministry on this point:
      “me working toward finding my identity in Christ, and not allowing same-sex attraction to be the defining factor of how I view myself. I think that is an incredible thing to strive for.”

      It took a lot for me to get to this point in my own life and relationship with the Lord. I think this is the right path to take and am praying for you as you sort through all this

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      1. Hi Hope,

        I really hope that I can work toward finding my identity first and foremost in Christ. When we stand before Him and enter into heaven, we will become fully who He envisioned us to be. Even though it’s so confusing now, especially how in this world there are soooo many labels. There is such a typical path everyone expects us to follow: elementary school, high school, college, work force, marriage, children.

        I have to say that I still feel an immense amount of unrest of not having a family. This reality has not fully set in because I see my parents often, being that my university is not incredibly far from home. But as I grow older, and they eventually pass away.. I can’t bear the thought of loneliness that would seem to bring. I can’t imagine not having the support of family when life gets chaotic. I know it’s a bit soon to be thinking about this, but it’s a scary reality. Also, I’ve dreamed of having children one day. I’m actually studying to be an elementary school teacher, kind of like God led me toward this passion so that I can be surrounded with children, because maybe it’s not in His path for me to have my own. I always dreamed of bearing a child of my own, but I think adoption would be another option for me. I can’t give them a mom and a dad but I would sure do my best to love them. Still so much to think about.

        Blessings,

        CBG

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      2. CBG

        I understand your anguish to a lesser degree, one I am most likely around if not a little older than your parents, so my childbearing years are long past. I never wanted children of my own but have throughout my life engaged with children and young people. I find great joy in walking through life with them. I have ran after-school programs and am currently tutoring six students. One of things I have struggle with in-depth is growing older alone. After six years my attractions have not changed and as a single Christian I know celibacy is Gods call for me and all singles regardless of what their attractions might be.
        I have learned the value of community and know I can confidently trust that God will take care of me as I grow older. He has been so faithful to do so in a must difficult and challenging season in my life.
        I will respond to your other questions tomorrow, but wanted to encourage you to know God knows your desires and you are a young person who is coming into full adulthood. Please allow God the opportunity to help you settle these things and don’t limit Him based on what you are wrestling with. I have friends like you and I who struggled in depth with SSA who are married to a person of the opposite gender and have children of their own now. I also have friends like myself who are single and celibate and finding life and purpose apart from their sexuality.

        CBG, I am praying for you and look forward to more discussion in the near future

        Hope

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    2. Happy Tuesday CBG

      I finally have some time to respond more in-depth to your post.you wrote the following:

      “Maybe my earlier post was a bit confusing. I definitely believe that the Bible should be the #1 source of hope and knowledge when it comes to my sexual identity. What I was attempting to explain was that I was taught a lot of incorrect concepts about gay people, which formed a lot of prejudice within myself. That was extremely confusing to have these prejudices built up against gay people, and then to realize I myself experience SSA. Because of this experience, I want to tear down my beliefs I was taught and build them back up myself.”

      Let me start by saying I am sorry if others biases or unkind words hurt you. I have experienced that in the past from soem who cared more about being morally right than about me as a person.

      Would you be willing to walk walk through some of those prejudices or misconceptions you experienced ?

      I am glad to know that you believe that the Bible is the the #! source of hope and knowledge when it comes to your sexuality. Can you expand what you think the Bible reveals to us about our sexuality?

      You also said this: “Some of the verses can be extremely complex and so I hesitate to completely accept what I’ve learned, especially because interpretation of the Bible can sometimes be capable of error, since humans are fallible. I just want to make sure I understand what I believe.”

      While I would agree humans are fallible, I don’t believe God’s word is infallible and it has the final authority to evaluate and direct my life. I didn’t magically arrive at this conclusion and it has at times been taxing to wade through choosing God’s word above my feelings and perceptions. What do believe about God’s word being absolute truth and the final authority in our lives?

      You asked and I responded to these questions last week but not in depth:
      “I know this is a complex question, but may I ask how you view yourself? Do you view SSA as a temptation, or part of the wiring of yourself? With the 2 people I told in gay ministers at my university, we talked a lot about me working toward finding my identity in Christ, and not allowing same-sex attraction to be the defining factor of how I view myself. I think that is an incredible thing to strive for.”

      I said this:
      “As I stated before I didn’t choose my attractions or desires and felt they were as natural as my brown eyes. It use to irritate me to no end to have people insist I choose these things. I want to respond more fully to this but I need to go prep for my job. So I will revisit this in a couple of days my friend

      I will close by saying that I am in agreement with this from the folks at your campus ministry on this point:
      “me working toward finding my identity in Christ, and not allowing same-sex attraction to be the defining factor of how I view myself. I think that is an incredible thing to strive for.”

      Let me expand on what shared, First I have come to understand two things in walk with Jesus. We are all born into this world as sinners in need of a savior. I think SSA and sexual and relational brokenness are a direct result of the fall. If you think about it the first humans were perfect, lived in a perfect world and communed with a perfect God who only placed one restriction on them “Don’t eat from this tree” you know the tree of knowledge. I think God placed the restriction one Adam and Eve not because he was threatened by them having knowledge but because God knew how harmful that knowledge would be to them. The first three books of Genesis show us just how harmful the results were in an instant shame, blame, and disunity occurred. Relational brokenness came into existence between Adam and Eve and between them God. They reaped the consequences of their choices and left Eden filled with strife, toil and separation from God.

      I also believe the same being who enticed Eve and Adam satan, uses our humanity against us and works to set us against God and keep us from becoming all God intends us to be. We see the result of that in our world, divorce, sexual abuse, human trafficking, exploiting others and the list goes on and on. That said my take away from my three years of wrestling with the scriptures about my sexuality is this: First and for most God is a good God who, intentional, makes no mistakes, and He does all that he does with our best interest in mind.
      We designed in the image of God and He calls a very good gift. His intention for human sexuality is for men and women to come together through the marriage covenant. God sets boundaries in place to keep us from going of the road down steep cliffs that can harm, destroy and kill us. I think SSA and all forms of sexual expression are result of human brokenness and or sin. That said I do not believe my greatest sin was being a lesbian but rather being a proud, stubborn person who rejected God. I think my sexuality is bi-product of my sinful choices and relational brokenness both self imposed and forced on me by others.

      How I view my sexuality today is far different than I once did; it once was loud blurring music and and the only dimension of me, I allowed others to see or hear. now it is white noise in the background. I do not identify as gay as it is the who God created me to be. I still am attracted to women and do not foresee that changing. I do not feel pressured to become straight, marry and have kids. I live in surrender of my sexuality to God as it is what is honoring to Him. I chose celibacy because Gods best for me is to be sexually pure and I embrace my single status as a gift and life filled with opportunities married people often do not have.

      I have recently been mulling this idea over in my head what if God’s gift to me was my SSA, maybe that gift has taught me to see others beyond their sexuality and see their potential as humans.

      I continue to pray for you on your journey friend and look forward to hearing from you

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  4. Hi Hope,

    Okay I’m going to try to answer as best I can. You may correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you mentioned that you did not grow up in a Christian setting, but have surrendered your life to Christ a bit more recently. First of all, I think that is incredible and the beautiful work of God. I could understand how the debate within the church could cause someone who is attracted to the same sex to steer clear of the church out of fear of judgment and condemnation. So I am so happy that you were able to find Christ. That shows God’s true and mighty power.

    Because I have grown up in a very conservative church and family, the voice of the church was the loudest in my life as I was growing up. There is a huge misunderstanding of what the word “gay” means. I was taught an extremely narrow definition. Gay=gay marriage= sin. I never even heard the term “same-sex attraction” used. The conversation always jumped straight to no marriage. This made it very confusing for me to experience SSA, and never have a label for it. I thought that I was just able to connect very deeply emotionally with some of my friends. It made the ending of friendships immensely painful, and I had never been able to figure out why I seemed to be so much more affected by the ending of friendships than other people. The prejudices have been that everything gay is bad. My dad calls gay people fags, fruitcakes, all kinds of nasty names. That cannot even be called conservative Christianity. That language is not Christ-like. The main area has been that it so often seems to be talked about as a political debate, and overlooking real people and stories. There is a major lack of understanding, and lack of desire to seek understanding. If this topic is talked about on my campus, people say that we are straying from the word of God and it’s all wrong. What they don’t realize is that “gay” does not mean that one is disobeying God simply by existing. God gave us freewill to choose to either sin or to obey him, and so it doesn’t make sense that by simply being attracted to the same-sex that we are choosing to stray away from God’s truth. Therefore, I believe that the orientation itself is not sin, but rather what I do with these attractions is where sin may enter the picture.

    I am honestly still working through accepting my sexuality, so I really do not have much of a stance formed on what the Bible says about my actual orientation. The verses I’ve seemed to have read in the past have all been about how I should refrain from sex and marriage.

    It is really awesome to hear how you have found your identity in Christ. I believe that is something we should all strive for, no matter the orientation. As of now, for myself I think that there are times that would be appropriate to refer to myself as gay. I hope that after explaining a bit of the prejudice I have encountered growing up in the conservative church, this makes more sense. I don’t envision myself always calling myself a gay Christian, because their are many other aspects to my identity. I’m a daughter, sister, friend, shy, creative, and gay. I think I feel an importance to use the term if I talk with someone who has not understood what it means to have SSA. It’s necessary for reaching understanding when explaining to someone who is attracted to the opposite sex. Although it is not my identity, it is a piece of my story and has affected much of my experiences, and how I relate with friends and even my view of God. So in that sense, I feel I will need to use it when explaining my experience to others, in order for them to understand that it’s not a choice.

    Could you expand on this? “I think my sexuality is bi-product of my sinful choices and relational brokenness both self imposed and forced on me by others.” For me, I have no idea. I’m not able to pinpoint causes of this. I just know it’s something innate that I do not have the freedom to change.

    Best,

    CBG

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    1. CBG
      I must apologize for the delayed response; it has been a crazy week for me.
      Yes my fear of judgment and condemnation did keep me from a relationship with Jesus for three plus decades. In my life I have encountered the likes of Fred Phelps and the Westbro Baptist folks. In retrospect I do not believe they live out the gospel or truly represent true Christianity to the world at large.
      You said this in your last reply to me:
      Because I have grown up in a very conservative church and family, the voice of the church was the loudest in my life as I was growing up. There is a huge misunderstanding of what the word “gay” means. I was taught an extremely narrow definition. Gay=gay marriage= sin. I never even heard the term “same-sex attraction” used. The conversation always jumped straight to no marriage.”
      I am sorry for the hurtful and perhaps uneducated remarks that you heard growing up. Words are such powerful things aren’t they? Would you mind sharing your thoughts as to what the Bible (not man’s opinion has to actually say on the subject of being gay for me?
      I am sorry your father was less than Christ like in his verbiage. I am guessing this made it next to impossible to have an open and honest discussion with your family about sexuality. It may still be that way for you now.
      You are so right, simply having attractions, feelings or desires is neither right or wrong, they simply just are. My Pastor often says feelings are real but not always reliable.
      Jeremiah 17:9 NASB: The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?
      Yes I have said for the last three or so years we are more than our sexuality! So glad you are seeing that. I would like to ask you to define a couple of things for me.
      What is identity?
      What is orientation?
      What gives a person their sexual orientation?
      I am going to break my response up into two parts as my clarification to your last question will be quit lengthy.

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      1. Part two of my response:
        I think I have shared with you that I struggled with the label of gay Christian for a season of my life. It never settled with well with me. In the last year or so, I have come to understand that the gay identity is a false identity and I think my response to what you asked me to expand upon will expound on this statement as well.
        You asked me to expand on this statement:
        “I think my sexuality is bi-product of my sinful choices and relational brokenness both self imposed and forced on me by others.”
        Let me preface, what I am about to say with what I believe about God: He is intentional, good, faithful has well being in mind and He does not make mistakes. As a result He can be trusted!
        I believe that SSA, or any of the other labels such as Trans, Bi, Pan sexual are a direct result of the fall. The fall resulted in sexual and relational brokenness. First, Adam and Eve were created as perfect people in a perfect world. The Genesis account says that God called the world and the animals he created good, but when He finished creating Adam, He said it is very good. Humans were God’s crowning achievement. Genesis 1:26-31
        Unlike any other part of creation men and women are the only ones who are created in God’s image. Genesis 1:27: “So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God, He created them; male and female He created them.” The Genesis account emphasizes full equality of both genders with roles that are complementary to each other. God commissioned men and women to jointly and compassionately “rule” and steward the earth. Recognizing that humans are created in the image of God is so important, especially when it comes to our faith and belief system. I believe God created marriage to model for us what intimacy looks like and the depth of the relationship He desires with us.
        Let’s look a little closer at the events that unfolded in the garden:
        God gave the man woman freedom to eat from any tree in the garden expect one. Genesis 2:15-16. My big question when I read that was why. Was God depraving humans of something or was there something bigger I was missing. The later was true, this has to do with the creature and nature of God. He wants only the best for our lives and just like a loving parent placed one tree off limits. Temptation enters into the account in the form of a serpent.
        Genesis 3:19 ESV
        Now the serpent was craftier than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”
        It was very important for me to clarify who the serpent was and why he tempted Adam and Eve. From my research I believe he is satan. When he was created, a chief angel according to Isaiah 14:12. It was because of his amazing, in-depth knowledge and power that he became prideful and foolishly believed he could be an equal to his creator. When he was ejected from Heaven, the Bible didn’t say that God took away all that knowledge or his ability to engage in supernatural activities. The truth is that satan is a master deceiver and story teller. He is the master con artist.
        From my perspective and understanding he tempted Eve and Adam to first question God’s authority and swayed them to willfully disobey. Why, well Adam and Eve were God’s prized possession and I think he was being vindictive towards God by causing them to rebel against Him.
        With one bite everything changed we just like Adam and Eve are free to chose, but we are not free to choose our consequences. If you read on in Genesis 3 we see the impact of their choices first shame then blame and then they hide from God. Their union with God was broken. In-turn their relationship with each other became broken. They, enter into strife hard labor and physical pain, decay and death. Since that day we all reap the consequences’ of their fatal choice.
        Conversely, I believe the master con-artist, has been very intentional to distort sexuality and make havoc of our relationships. This is way I believe the gay identity is a false identity; it distorts Gods perfect design for sexuality and perverts it into something He never intended it to be. I believe sin mars our souls and the enemy of our soul would have has masterminded perfected the lye that we are born this way to rob us of being in relationship with God.
        Boy did that piss me off when I discovered I had lived a lie for over 40 years.
        I hope I was able to give you some clarity there my friend. Know I am praying for your process and journey. I look forward to hearing from you! Is it almost mid-terms?

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  5. I’m sorry that I have not replied! My life has been crazy. I’m going to take a few days off from reading/writing about this topic. I reached a breaking point and I think I just need a few days of rest from thinking about my sexuality. It can be very overwhelming. I’ll be back in a few days, though. Thanks so much for your patience.

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      1. Hi Hope,

        So sorry again for such a late reply. Thank you for praying for me. I have been thinking about all this a lot. Things got very difficult. I’ve realized how much homosexuality has completely screwed up so much in my life, and how much I just want it to vanish. I had written an anonymous post about my journey with sexuality on a Christian website for young women, and someone commented “gently”‘implying that I am going to hell. It’s caused me to feel greatly unsettled. I think that ultimately my orientaion (being attracted to women) is not making more disgustingly sinful than a heterosexual woman, though I often feel that way. But what I have found is that because I am drawn to women, and I am friends with so many women, and women are naturally emotionally tied to one another, it has magnified my experience with ssa. I also realized I used people who I was drawn to emotionally to be my sole source of comfort and rely on them to fill this growing void inside of me. That is not the purpose of a friend. That is what only God can fill. Although I can understand God filling this whole in abstract thought, it’s hard for me to figure out how to tangibly hold onto his love. That’s where I think I’m at right now.

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      2. CBG

        That is actually a really big realization. I have come to understand how in lesbian relationships we tend to emotionally cannibalize one another. I am so sorry for the woman’s response and I am certain she has no idea of how to respond to our struggle. That does nto mean all Christians are like that nor does it imply God is like that either. I continue to pray for you friend

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