I have been reflecting about the season that followed the surrender of my sexuality to Jesus. It was a very uncomfortable time of life. I had just experienced the loss of my identity and had no idea who I was becoming. It was at this time God seemed to provide a living lesson for me. The place where I was working was undergoing an expansion project and as a result, part of the existing structure was torn down, and the old foundation was broken up and stripped down to the bare ground it stood upon. Each day I would sit with my lunch and watch this process taking place. One morning in my daily Bible reading I came across this passage in Luke 6 in the Message:
46-47 “Why are you so polite with me, always saying ‘Yes, sir,’ and ‘That’s right, sir,’ but never doing a thing I tell you? These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on.
48-49 “If you work the words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who dug deep and laid the foundation of his house on bedrock. When the river burst its banks and crashed against the house, nothing could shake it; it was built to last. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a dumb carpenter who built a house but skipped the foundation. When the swollen river came crashing in, it collapsed like a house of cards. It was a total loss.”
There I sat reading the words above, and I felt this still small voice speaking to me–that God was uprooting my old foundation and stripping it down to the ground so He could rebuild my life’s foundation upon Him. I sensed that this a necessary process and could be painful at times. The question was, was I willing to walk through this process? By this point of my journey I knew I had come too far to turn back and I was committed to the process.
In retrospect those four years of my life have been some of the most challenging I have ever faced. I have had to evaluate my belief systems about sexuality, identity, gender roles and marriage. In addition, I have discovered who the Jesus and God of the Bible really are. My perception of truth has been challenged and redefined. Lastly, I have had to dig down deep to expose roots that influenced who I once thought I was. None of this has been an easy process, but has been worth the effort.
You may ask, why I would undertake such an effort after decades of living as a lesbian? Isn’t it easier to just avoid or better yet, why not redefine truth to accommodate my identity? My response is that this truth matters and it is either absolute and based on something bigger than ourselves, or it is easily manipulated to accommodate life as I see and feel it. I have come to understand that Truth is based upon God and His written word, the Bible. Therefore I am one who needs to surrender to its authority and not the other way around. This in turn gives the Bible the authority to evaluate my life and define how I should live.
Not a popular stance in a world where others so easily define themselves as gay and Christian and labor to redefine the Biblical perspective of marriage and sexuality. As a woman who once opposed the Christian perspective on these issues and fully embraced her sexual identity, I understand exactly how unpopular my stance is.
I welcome your comments and open honest discussion on the subject.